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so i got lost and ended up yesterday at the wife wants orgasm court house instead of family courthouse,, drove down to, ding security walking around with two black hooks* gave me wrong directions i got there at walked up elevator and instead of going across to the side i ended up walking around the whole building.. then going across the street to support and finally the 3rd security gaurd showed me on the camera where to go however i got in there at 3:05.. i am not able to walk as well as most and felt like i was gonna die either way guess what you cant even get a self help packet after 3 i was so mad i could punch puppies.. i am having to do my best.. and i am lost.. i can't even afford to pay to park today.. but i have to get the packet.. is there anywhere to pick it up? can you print the whole packet online?, does it cost anything to pick up in sacramento. Monte
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Walls Walls
Have you spent your life building walls.
Walls to keep safe. To protect.To hide in the dark where no one can see.

At the beginning, It was a matter of necessity.

Weakness, vulnerability, softness those were things that were not safe.
That could not be seen.
That were not allowed.

Have you dreamed of a different life.
So you created one inside those walls.
Spending hours. Days. Alone.
Sing yourself songs.
Finding secret places.
Where no one could touch you.
Where you were forgotten.
Places where you could pretend to be tough and strong and brave and good.
Places where you could pretend to be loved.

And those walls protected you. Your imagination pulled me through.
The walls grow harder.
The maze of your mind grew easier to navigate. With every trauma you learned how to retreat quicker. How to deflect the pain.
How to make the walls higher. Thicker. Stronger.

But you are grown up now.
And you dont need all these walls.
But you are so good at pretending to be brave, that you sometimes fool yourself. Into writing flowery prose about how tough and strong and hard you are
and how little you care.
And youve gotten so good at it, that usually, people believe you.

But really.
These walls arent brave at all.
Theyre not strong or mighty or something to praise.
Because real bravery?
Is showing someone how vulnerable you are. How weak you can be. Bravery is showing someone all of you. Even if it might scare them away. Even if they may not like you anymore.
Even if they try to really see you.
But you are afraid.
These walls still keep you safe.
These walls still hide whats deep inside.

You are afraid of showing your weakness.
You are afraid of asking for help.
You are afraid of your touch because you need it so much.
And you are mostly afraid, that one day, someone might actually try and see
Who you really are.
Because you are dark and imperfect.
A little girl.
Still waiting for some approval
You think youll never get.
You are weak, soft, uncertain, hesitant, unsteady.
Youve tried.
Really hard.
To break down these walls.
To let someone in.
Because you want so much to be brave.
And you have so much, just bursting to get out.

But instead,
every time
Hide.
Retreat.
Back inside these walls.
Where it is dark.
And it is safe.
And it is quiet.
And brave.
And strong.
And hard.
And no one can see .
So whats next?

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